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22 May

I knew I wouldn’t like this “being a grown up” deal. I’ve never been big on responsibility or maturity, never wanted the wisdom or the experience that’s suppose to come with age. Nothing in life is free and, as I’ve learned, growing up is no exception. Nope – you pay dearly for that wisdom and experience. You fork over your innocence and your spirit, not even realizing it’s happening at the time. You stop giggling at silly jokes, you stop finding awe in simple things, you trade your endless optimism for the sobering acceptance of reality’s limits. And, then, as soon as you think you have safely made the transition from child to grown-up with only superficial flesh wounds, the monster known as adulthood rears its ugly head and hits you full force with a sick and twisted welcome wagon full of reality, ripping your childhood from you and leaving it limp and bleeding along side the road that you can never turn and go back down.

My welcome wagon came rolling along last year. After 2012, I thought 2013 would be a cakewalk. Have I mentioned how the universe loves to up the ante on me? Bluff called, ante raised. 

First, I lost my job. Then I lost my dad. Somewhere along the way, I lost perspective. I’m 0-3. Welcome to being a grown up.  


goodbye, rabbithole…

19 Jul

It has been exactly one month since I lost my job. I should probably be scared or, at the very least, mildly concerned. I am neither. In fact, I’m still flying high on the liberating realization that I will never again have to walk into that office or sit at that ugly, cold table in that ugly, cold conference room. Sure, I dont know what Im doing or what my next move is, but I know it’s forward and far, far away from that rabbithole.

I used to envy Dorothy and Alice, if only because they got to wake up from their nightmares. Well, wait for me, girls! Here I come!

Of course, I know it wasn’t just a dream. It was all real. Somewhere out there a wicked witch and a mad queen are still cackling and screaming orders, I know it. The important thing is neither one can reach me anymore. That chapter has ended.

third time’s the charm…maybe…

6 Jan

So, 2012 was an ass-kicker. No other way to put it. Well, maybe there is, but I think “ass-kicker” says it all.

My job went from frustrating to frustrating with a side of intensely stressful topped with a dollop of incredibly unfulfilling. My health kept me on the digestive rollercoaster from hell and took me on a scenic tour of every bathroom in the greater Triangle, not to mention the occasional visit to the day clinic at Duke for fluids, and, oh yes, one particularly unnecessary expedition to the exotic land of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Just when I thought life could not get more miserable, the universe stepped up to my unspoken challenge. The end of the year saw someone close to me being diagnosed with cancer as well as the sudden passing of my boyfriend’s mother, simultaneously breaking the hearts of people I love and placing me in the  unfamiliar role of being the supporter rather than the supportee – a role I am not particularly good at.

So, as the clock struck midnight on December 31st, while millions of people around the world were singing the last bars of “Old Lang Syne” and belting out “Happy New Year”, it was all I could do to refrain from yelling “Get the fuck outta here, 2012!”

Needless to say, blogging, which had only months earlier been at the top of my list of things to accomplish in 2012, took a backseat to everything else going on in my life. Actually, that’s not true…it didn’t take a backseat…it wasn’t even in the car. The car was packed to the headliner with emotional, physical, and mental baggage and being driven by someone who, on her best days, was a highly impaired shell of person and a non-functioning conduit of nausea on her worst.

At any rate, 2012 is over. The world didn’t end on December 21st like the Mayans predicted, but my world changed overnight many times over. People will tell you that change is good, and while that may sometimes be true, they say it only because the scary truth is that change is inevitable and out of our control. Anyway, I don’t know what this year holds for me and mine, but I choose to be an optimist and believe that 2013 will be a year worth blogging about.

let’s try this again…

1 Sep

Okay, three months and several technical roadblocks later it looks like this thing might finally be up and running. This is largely due to the very generous efforts of a tech savvy friend whose capabilites picked up where my frustrations left off.  

At any rate, it looks like I am back in the blogging business. That is, if you can call having two posts blogging.


and so it begins…

4 Jun

Welcome to my blog. Given the fact that two of my favorite past-times are writing and wasting time on the Internet, it’s somewhat amazing that it’s taken me this long to climb aboard the blogging bandwagon. But I digress…

At any rate, I am looking forward to keeping everyone riveted with my daily observations and no doubt scintillating relfections. Trust me, you won’t know how you ever got along without your daily dose of uncensored me.